A SILENT PRAYER.

He called last night, drunk as usual. He said many nasty things. He blamed me for everything that is going wrong in his life. Blamed me for his drinking. Blamed me for the break-up he had with his last girlfriend. As if I even knew he was dating. Blamed me for making him want me but not have me. Drunk, he said nothing that made sense. Called me all sorts of names and pushed in “Honey” and “Sweetheart”. Shamelessly, he paused and said “I Love you”. Then he coughed from the drinks he had taken in the chilly night. I hope you choke and die, I almost say.

He says that we should talk things out; we should make up and be a couple again. He is my past, I tell him, and he had the chance to, but betrayed me, broke my heart and went for another girl. We dated for two years; it took me a whole year to get over him. When I finally move on and heal, he dares call me. How dare him, HOW DARE HIM! 

I am feeling depressed. I had just come from a prayer group that had turned to one-hour blame game, arguments. I am feeling crushed, the weight of the world in upon my shoulder, and then he dares call.

I take my phone and dial the first number that comes to my head, no answer. I try again, no answer. Where is my best friend? Now I feel so devastated, desperate to talk to someone. My friend texts, but by now, the devastation has turned to anger. Anger towards myself, for not being able to compose myself. Angry at myself for not being able to express myself. Angry at my ex for breaking my heart and ruining my night. Angry at my best friend for not picking my call.

I switch off my phone, switch off all my lines. I don’t want to talk to anyone anymore. Its 1 am. I slip under my covers and try to get some sleep. I wake up in the morning. Its 6.45am, am supposed to leave the house by 7. I take a quick cold shower; I dress up hastily, at 7.10 I leave the house. I get to the eating hall, confusion. People complaining endlessly. The cooks are on strike, there is no breakfast. Damn! I am already late for work.

I go away without breakfast. Who needs food anyway? As I walk to the bus station, it hits me. I did not talk to God.

As I walk, I say a silent prayer, a prayer so silent that I can barely hear it myself. Will God hear my silent prayer?

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TAME YOUR TONGUE

There was a song we always used to sing in Sunday school (those of us teaching Sunday school still do), “be careful little eyes what you see, be careful little eyes what you see, for the father up above, is looking down in love, oh be careful little eyes what you see”. Then we would sing to the ears, to the lips, to the hands…..

My emphasis today is on the tongue, lips, the constituents of the mouth. At times we use this feature of our body to break others, to kill their spirits and to make them feel worthless. We ought to be careful with what we say, not only about ourselves, but also to others.

The other day we were waiting for the bus that picks us up near one of the petrol station. Apparently, the petrol station got a new management team and the first thing they did is tell us (my fellow workmates and I) not to wait for the bus while seating on their seats. The others were furious and started saying all sort of things, I was tempted to also give the manager a piece of my mind, but I knowing that this would choma picha yetu, I just had to do the best; walk away and go far, far from where the others were, praying to God to give me strength to tame my tongue. Paul said:

“⁵Even so the tongue is a small part of the body, but it takes credit for great things. How much wood may be lighted by a very little fire! ⁶The tongue is a fire; it is the power of evil placed in our bodies, making all the body unclean, putting the wheel of life on fire, and getting its fire from hell...⁸But the tongue may not be controlled by man; it is an unresting evil, it is full of the poison of death.”(James 3:5-8)

Another day I sat in for vocal practice at a local church, one lady was apparently singing quite louder than the others, and the voice coach decides to shout to her, “you are too loud” and the rest of the group bursts with laughter! I felt sorry for her. The coach would have used his wisdom to let her lower her voice. The lady no longer comes for practice these days.

I could give so many other examples where we, me included, have killed people’s dreams and spirits with our words. You feel the urge to say something nasty to someone and you just say it, then when things go wrong you start saying how you did not mean what you said, you were joking. And you lose friends that way.

Such incidences are unavoidable, like when someone has told you a secret or something confidential and you just feel the urge to tell it to someone else, when you feel like telling someone how poor they are at something, e.t.c, we can avoid such.

It requires grace though, the Grace of God, so when you feel like killing someone’s spirit, just imagine if you were in their shoes, and then ask God to help you tame your tongue.

 “He who keeps watch over his mouth and his tongue keeps his soul from troubles.”(Proverbs 21:23)

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PRIORITIES

We were sitted with a group of friends in a hall waiting for dinner/supper .

“Ngai!! Siamini Samantha alifukuzwa!!” (Oh my God, I don’t believe Samantha was sent away!!) one girl exclaimed, standing up due to what I assumed was to prepare for the intensity of the discussion that was to begin.

“Imagine alifukuzwa, alienda jana!” (Imagine she was sent away, she left yesterday) another exclaimed.

“haikosi ni indiscipline!” (It must be indiscipline) came a comment from the back.

My God, I really felt sad for the so called Samantha. From what I had been hearing in the past few days, exams were around the corner. It must have been sad for this Samantha, being sent away from school (or so I thought), just a few days to exams, because of indiscipline?! Oh my!!

I decided to listen on. A heated discussion started:

“Nancy alikua na bahati alisaviwa” (Nancy was Lucky to be saved) another added her thoughts.

“I hate Ian, I’m sure he is the one who suggested that afukuzwe!!(sent away)” another said clearly angry.

I was in the audience of a group of university ladies, and this discussion was worrying. I decided to ask the one next to me what had Samantha done.

The answer I got really shocked me! Apparently, these Samantha and Nancy were participants in the Tusker Project Fame 5!! I could not help but laugh at myself!! But then you cannot blame me! With the exams around the corner, I didn’t expect a group of university students to waste time (yes waste time) following some television programs faithfully and forgetting the reason for being in school, BOOKS!!

I will not even start on soaps, soap operas that cause students to skive evening classes to watch or fail to read for cats or do assignments because if they miss, they will not be able to contribute should another “heated” discussion on the said episode start the following day.

We are students, and what should come first is books, these other things like programs we can get later in CD’s in streets for as little as 50 bob or borrow the episodes from our friends. My friends, students, lets get our priorities right.

When the discussion reached a “hot” climax, I heard one girl whisper to another, “By the way, si you will help me with you Company Law book, sijasomea cat ya kesho” (I have not read for tommorow’s cat).

And the other whispered back, “OH! Ata mimi sijasoma!” (no way! I have also not read)

I felt like saying “I told you so!” but I din’t, since I had not. Now I will get  reason to, if they read this.

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